I love you but I'm not in love with you...

Over these past 2 weeks, where much coffee has been drank, cigarettes smoked and MTN saw a marked increase in profits from myself and my inner circle (which is why my phone bill is now paid via direct debit, so I don’t have to look at it), I have been left with a sour taste in my mouth; Not only from the increased amounts of caffeine and nicotine that have gone hand in hand with the hours of conversation, debate and arguably misguided advice but from the actual topic of conversation itself.

The topic I‘m referring to is the new line that the male of the species has been using sparingly perhaps for longer than I realised.

To not keep you wondering, this line is simple but powerful and to the girl on the receiving end, no doubt a little heartbreaking. I’m getting to this phrase shortly, but humour me a little longer so I can put you in the picture:

My friend Helen has been in a relationship with a nice guy for the past year and half. They were introduced via a mutual friend and not long after they became a ‘sort of couple’.
-The ‘sort of couple’ is a phenomenon that has slowly crept into our lifestyle where said couple do everything a bf/gf would do only they are not officially ‘together’ as bf and gf-

So, after a year and half of unofficial ‘togetherness’, Helen feeling restless and slightly frustrated with her ‘sort of boyfriend’ situation revealed her frustration to him to which the reply she received was -and this is where you cringe-:

“I love you but I’m not in love with you” 

And just one more time in case you didn’t feel the full affect:

“I love you but I’m not in love with you”

!!!!!!

Cutting to a couple of days later when I was on my way home from spending the night with a boy I’d been talking to for a couple of months, I was feeling quite proud of myself for keeping my emotions in check until I had figured out what was going on between us which turned out to be sweet f*ck all. Besides occasional sex and frequent texting, it was clear to me (especially clear after a conversation we'd  had) that no further energy would be spared for my benefit leaving me certain in the knowledge that ‘a movie at his place’ was not going to happen again. 

So maybe Helen was somehow to blame for her predicament. Maybe she was an exception. After all, how does a girl waste so much time on a guy to finally be told that he loves her but isn’t in love with her? I mean, look at my case: I liked 'text boy', but I wasn’t going to hang around when it was perfectly clear to me the feeling wasn’t mutual so why did Helen? Yep, she’s an exception and on that thought my mobile rang:

“Hey! It’s me”; ‘Me’ or Andie, 27 years old, beautiful, intelligent and the owner of a pair of legs I would kill for is 1 of my closest friends whom I adore and spend hours with in Starbucks people watching and philosophizing.

“Hey, what’s up?” I ask, knowing that a call at 06.30am UK time could not be good.
“I’m pregnant” she spurts.

Not to be insensitive to her plight, skipping through the details, she ends by telling me 2 things: 1) He wants her to keep the baby and 2) He loves her BUT, wait for it: He isn’t in love with her; Oh and between us? What he’s been doing with her for the past 2 and a half years is beyond me and my seemingly unrealistic expectations of a modern day relationship. Anyway, on that note, my theory about Helen being the exception was blown straight out of the water and begged the question: Why are these beautiful, intelligent women settling for “I love you but I’m not in love with you”?

In a relationship, problems always arise. “He’s spending too much time with his friends” or if you’re going out with a Cypriot “He’s spending too much time with his mother” are acceptable glitches, as are “He doesn’t pay enough attention to me” or even “He looks at other girls” etc, but are women prepared to regard “He loves me but he’s isn't in love with me” as just another problem that is ‘normal’ in a relationship? Isn’t this going a little too far, beyond the acceptable glitches one can expect?

Further more, I wonder: Why are these men dedicating so much time to a woman that they’re not in love with? Could it be that they really are in love with her but just don’t realise it? The moment Helen became distant and put space between her and her (sort of) man, the sweet text messages began arriving declaring that he misses her and that he keeps thinking about her! 
The romantic would say he’s really in love and just hasn’t realised it yet, I admit that for a split second even I toyed with this theory, whilst the cynic would say he’s just trying to worm himself back into her good books and the social analyst would say that maybe men are more influenced by romance and idealism than we think they are and just like the princess is waiting for her knight in shining armour to arrive, so too is the knight in shining armour waiting for his princess!

The possible theories are endless but I would say this:
Surely, "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is just not good enough but maybe YOU don't realise that you ARE good enough which in turn makes this sentence.... good enough. Really? Just ask yourself: Is "I love you but I'm not in love with you" good enough? 

If it is, then GOOD. 

If not, then ENOUGH.