HOPE

I believe, as women, we all know what is acceptable in a relationship and what is not. I also believe that what we know to be true in theory is -more often than not- never applied in reality; the excuse being, that our situation is ‘special’ and somehow more ‘complicated’ than the almost identical situation that we dared to advise, almost lecture our best friend about only months before.

“This is different” is the universal excuse we use to justify bypassing our own advice and ditching the ethics that we once swore by.

Take Helen for example, when I had managed to get myself involved with possibly the biggest loser on the planet, my loyal friend had narrated me about recognising my worth and not accepting his insulting behaviour. Fast forward to the not too distant future, she was ignoring her own words of wisdom and I was the one giving her the same advice she had given me.

<Women, or most women base their actions on 1 factor when they’re in love, which is why all good sense and advice gets thrown out of the window  thus allowing f*ckwit losers to walk in through the door.>

That factor is HOPE.

So, after the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” speech Helen’s boyfriend had thrown at her, she had distanced herself and in response the sweet texts began arriving at which point she did what any woman that was in love would have done: She invited him to go away with her for a few days.

I had met them one day for lunch and had behaved perfectly with “the f*ck-wit loser”.

He was sweet and attentive to my friend so it’s not like it was unreasonable of her to have remained hopeful; hell, even I was hopeful by the time I’d finished my chocolate lava!  

The bliss however, didn’t last much longer than my dessert. Within a few days he had started the disappearing game again and after yet another emotional talk he had emphasised that he wasn’t in love with her. In retaliation, a prompt deletion from Facebook followed, today’s equivalent of ‘it’s over’.

I was impressed by Helen’s decisiveness.  Even hope, it seemed had its limits.

Mean while, Text boy and I had stopped the frequent text conversations which I missed more than the actual boy.

The chemistry had been there if I recalled correctly but since I was no longer 22, idealistic, and what’s the word…. Stupid, I was more than capable of making an accurate identification of a relationship that was going nowhere fast.

Plus, I could not be bothered to make any further effort (not even in the name of hope) after he had told me that he had not 1 but 2 girls that apparently were ‘making the effort’ and also that he didn’t like the girls he slept with to sleep with anyone else because he got jealous.

I had managed to hide the ‘WTF?!’  expression on my face after being hit with those double standards and had swiftly concluded that my cute and intelligent 28 year old had the functionality of a horny 16year old which would have been fine…. if I was 16 too.

Up to this point, I suppose I had been hopeful that there was more to our mutual attraction than frequent texts & infrequent meetings, but beyond this latest revelation? I was just bored minus the hope.

Maybe hope only really factored in if you were in-love, maybe it didn’t affect people that were only in-like?

Maybe I was cured of hope or maybe hope was the cure?

Someone that was not suffering from a lack of hope was my friend Andie.

A few weeks ago, she had found out she was pregnant by her boyfriend of 2.5 years.

Following the discovery, he had told her he loved her but was not in love with her. Considering that and many other negative factors she felt that abortion was her only choice.

So, she has the abortion and I urge her to break up with her boyfriend; “He isn’t in love with you, what are you doing? Get out of there!” etc etc…

As life would have it or rather as hope would have it, my advice is ignored and several days later, she calls me: “I’m moving in with Danny”.

Andie had not been getting on with her flat mates and after another unpleasant incident, he had told her to pack her things and move in with him. Was this hope??

If someone tells you they’re not in love with you, can that change?

After a 2.5 year relationship, what are the chances of love –the in love type of love- appearing?

They say that hope dies last, call me pessimistic, but in Andie’s case it was dying a very very slow death.

Me personally? Well, if I’m going to die, I want it to be over with fast, let’s say a plane crash mid-air for example and that’s exactly how I like my relationships to perish too.

I am not a fan of long drawn out break-ups, not that I haven’t experienced them, I have, which is why I’m not a fan.

Hope is the factor responsible for these types of break-ups.

Hope is what enables and encourages women to keep going back for more.

Speaking of which, Helen may have deleted F*ckwit Loser from Facebook, but this is life and it is easier to click delete on your laptop than it is in your heart.

Apparently the make up sex was amazing and though there is obviously some hope still alive, I get the feeling that it is slowly but surely following Helen’s patience straight out of the window.

It seems to me that when hope is in play, logic is not; the 2 do not operate together so it’s either the one or the other. I just so happen to favour logic but then again, maybe the people that favour logic just haven’t met someone that inspires them to favour hope.

I guess though, that hope, is as much a blessing as it is a curse.

It’s about having faith, believing in people you love, it’s the reason to not give up.

It is also the reason years can pass you by whilst you waste your time in a situation that has no chance of a happy ending.

So, by all means, be hopeful, but, do not be disillusioned.